Falling in Love

I'm not the mistakes that I have made

Or any of the things that caused me pain

I am not the pieces of the dream I left behind, I am light

I am light, I am light

I, I am light

I am light, I am light

I am light, I am light

I am not the color of my eyes

I am not the skin on the outside

I am not my age, I am not my race

My soul inside is all light

All light, all light yeah

All light

I am light, I am light

I am light, I am light yeah

I am divinity defined

I am the God on the inside

I am a star, a piece of it all

I am light

"I Am Light" - India Arie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OL-gxfx2QtY

You can scroll back up and click on that arrow sending you back to wherever you came from if you're here with the intention to collect some receipts on my non-existent love life #GerraraHere

Over a year ago I sat down and came up with a bucket list. I was typing away in my room sipping koko with my hair bunned up Moana style. 

I looked above my laptop screen, caught a glimpse of my reflection and typed at the very bottom of the list "#30 Fall in love" - what I left out was - with myself.

Cos quite frankly loving myself can be so damn hard sometimes!!!

I have too many days where I cringe at the sight of my reflection.

All I can see are my round cheeks, quadruple chins from overeating, eyebrows past their waxing due date, bags for days under my eyes as a result of netflix decathlons and facial dimensions that I've cried over because they don’t seem to sit in the right places to be looked at and exclaimed as pretty.

Aw hell I think my heart just shrunk a little from baring it's inner mutterings. Maestro, cue the violins!

But there are days where my beauty spots aren't so diminutive beside the warts (figurative warts cos I ain't about that life lol)

I have a smile that illuminates the entirety of my face, a laugh that could wake the dead, eyes that have fed my soul with hours of inpromptu conversations laced with late-night-til-dawn book reading sessions and facial dimensions that have been melded together from past generations of union and love from those that created my existence.

Every part of me is placed where it's suppose to be - intentionally and unintentionally. 

It tells an epic love story starring me. It's on these days I can't help but step back and think:

 
Today I am enough. Today the losing side is not me. To know oneself is to love oneself. 

It's on days like this that the prospect of falling in love doesn't seem so hard after all.

Happy Days
Sila