We're All Somebody's Side Kick

We are bursting through the barricades and

Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)

Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)

I won't let them break me down to dust

I know that there's a place for us

For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

I am brave, I am bruised

I am who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come

And I'm marching on to the beat I drum

I'm not scared to be seen

I make no apologies

This is me

"This is Me" - Keala Settle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEJd2RyGm8Q

A few years ago I was randomly asked to describe myself using 3 fictional characters. I texted:

Nani (Lilo & Stitch) - Motherly and witty.

Nakoma (Pocahontas) - Voice of reason and loyal.

Nala (The Lion King) - Compassionate and full of sass.

I remember soon after scrolling through Facebook and noticed people doing the same exercise except they were commonly naming disney princesses, super heroes and main characters in TV shows/Movies. 

Then it dawned on me: all the characters I named were sidekicks.

A lot of times in life I feel like I’m stuck in this cycle of being a supporting character and not the protagonist in a story. Always a side kick and never the hero.

One of my critiques for the film "The Greatest Showman" (which I loooove!!!) is that they could have made so much more out of the character development for the bearded lady Lettie Lutz played by Keala Settle #PasifikaMovement.

"This is Me" would have made a deeper impact if we witnessed a few more scenes of Lettie's life prior to her singing the hell outta that beautiful song. 

All we needed was a 2 minute montage, a collection of her lifes glimpses juxtaposed by the magnificence that she has now epiphanised herself to be.

So on behalf of all my fellow side kicking Lettie Lutz's of the world, here's my two minute montage:

When I was kid I stood on a brick wall in the middle of the Onehunga street mall, spread my arms out wide and jumped with the utmost confidence that I would fly as I screamed "SUPERMAN". I flew straight onto my face and have a scar in the middle of my bottom lip to prove it.

I hate yellow bananas.

Reading books is my thing – it’s my budget way to travel, my research O.G before google, my means of escape and a portal to help me understand the experiences of others.

I listen to music all the damn time

I have a tendency to yell ice cream mid-sentence of someone asking what my favourite food is, an uncontrollable inclination to move whenever I hear a beat, a thirst for awareness/ understanding, a next-level-embarrassing fear of heights, a suffocating hug and a weird habit of licking the flavour off of chips before downing them.

I love inspiration received in moments of quiet reflection. Whether it be on a crowded train or in the silence of my room - the dots start to connect, my heart and mind synchronise, and light slowly pours into my being.

My dad gee'd me up one time at a shopping mall beat boxing competition. I walked onto the stage and literally spit pfft pfft pfft into the mic. I went home feeling chuffed as hell with a walkman hot in my pocket from pity winning first place.

Random solemn moments reaffirming to me time and time again that there is a God. 

He is real. 

He knows me. 

Out of all the titles he is known to be from The Almighty to Allah - to me he is Father.

I finally conquered my fear and learnt to ride a two wheel bicycle at the tender age of 22yrs old - this is cover-my-face-shake-my-head-worthy.

I believe crying and laughing are the best forms of medicine - I regularly self-medicate and alternate between the two.

Laughing is my favourite thing to do. 

I feel like God put this amazing little mechanism called laughter somewhere between my heart and my throat. Disclaimer: I have no idea if that is biologically correct, but it feels like it is.

Jarod Kintz said laughter is the sound of the soul dancing. If that’s the case, then my soul has an Everest sized mountain of worn out dance shoes and a comparable sized pile yet to be used.

I made my sisters lives a living hell growing up. 

I read somewhere that people usually hurt others in an attempt to feel better. I projected my damaged soul, insecurities and feelings of worthlessness onto them. I still cry out of regret when I reflect on how mean spirited and hurtful I was.

There’s something liberating about dancing like a madman in the rain.

My dysfunctional family give me life with their myriad of personalities, inside jokes, mocks of death, struggle street stories, life lessons, memories, drama and love. My heartstrings are forever tethered to theirs regardless of where we are literally and figuratively in life.

I'm opinionated and have no problem voicing my sentiments - fist bump to the Hermione Grangers of the world.

When I was 13yrs old my mum was teaching an early morning class called seminary for our church. 

There was about 30 of us in the class and we all ranged between the ages of 13-18yrs old.

Because there were so many of us mum seated us in rows according to age, I was seated smack bang in the middle of the front row. 

My beautiful mum has hearing issues so the kids would regularly tease her under their breath and laugh because she couldn't hear them. 

I would burn with embarrassment, pretend I couldn't hear and act like nothing happened.

One morning the eldest kid in class seated in the back row started mocking mum. The whole room erupted in laughter. 

I summoned a small ounce of courage, shakily got up from my seat, turned around, pointed my finger at him and yelled:

"SHUT UP AND STOP TALKING ABOUT MY MUM!"

The room went dead silent

*SLAP*

I was stunned...mum slapped the shiieee outta me.

I immediately sat down, placed my forehead on the table, covered my head with my arms and cried. 

I wept out of embarrassment and prayed a sinkhole would crack open the floor and swallow me hole. 

After a few minutes of crying I took comfort in this one truth: I finally defended the person I love most in the world and that was all that mattered.

I believe that the majority of my talents are obscure or hidden, roasting is probably at the top of the list #SavageLifeChoseMe

*aaaand scene*

In a world full of people clamouring to be Beyonce, we seem to give side eye glances to the Kellys and Michelles of the world. 

But Beyonce would not be Beyonce without the harmonious friendship of Kelly and Michelle.

Lilo would have been a ward of the state if her older sister Nani didn't fight to love her regardless of parental loss, financial struggle and childlike shenanigans.

Nakoma's voice of reason helped comfort and ground the free-spirited Pocahontas.

Simba would still be walking around the wopwops suffocating on Pumba's farts if Nala didn't breathe love into him and remind him of his worth as a son of a king.

A few days ago I was having a talk with my sister and she said that sometimes we get so caught up with trying to find ourselves that we forget we can create ourselves.

In the pursuit of fulfilling the measure of our creation we simultaneously fill the measure of our creation. 

We all have good and bad experiences in our lives. However, the choice lies with us in how  we use it to its full effect - whether for the betterment or detriment of our being. 

When we consciously choose to use these for our gain, we invest the good and actively renovate the bad into a lesson and building block for character.

There is nothing wrong with being a side kick but there is if you're a side hoe. 

At the end of the day, we're all supporting characters in another's story and have supporting characters in our own.

Just don't be satisfied standing in the shadows when it comes to the story of YOUR life.

Position yourself centre-stage.

Signal for the curtains of obscurity to draw open.

Step forward to let the spotlight shine on you.

Spread your arms wide and make your debut.

Happy Days

Sila

Faafetai Mo Lou Alofa - An Ode to Friendship

I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are led to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun,
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you.
I have been changed for good.

So, let me say before we part:
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine
By being my friend

"For Good" - Idina Menzel & Kristin Chenoweth

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ0pXUb5jVU

When I was 11yrs old my waist-long hair was infested with nits (I literally just cackled out loud - don't judge me!) and there was a boy that would use that fact and various other things to bully the crap out of me. 

Initially I tried to laugh it off but that didn't help. I then tried to fight him off by cussing him out (again...don't judge me lol) but that didn't work. So then I tried to shrink myself and be unseen by disconnecting and burying myself in books as a means of escape...but that still didn't work!

So I prayed. I recall kneeling one night begging God to send friends that would help me. I remember throwing my face in the pillow and sobbing hoping that He would intervene and answer my prayer.

That prayer I uttered as a kid has been answered time and time again with friends who have loved and blessed my life with goodness.

Friends who stand up for me when I am there and defend me when I am not there. 

Friends who aren't afraid to correct me and call me out on my crap, but are always the first to highlight and cheerlead my good.

Friends that protect me, share with me, encourage me and laugh with me.

Friends that talk with me, discuss with me, disagree with me and debate with me.

Friends that mock me (but especially with me lol), serve with me and dance with me.

Friends that create memories with me, console me, uplift me and save me.

Friends that reminisce with me, teach me and mull over life with me.

Friends who believe in me, eat with me, cry with me, break bread and forgive me.

Friends that are all these things and despite it all - love me still.

....there's a whole lotta "me" thrown in there but you get my drift #SozNotSoz

These people have given and continue to give me an abundance of love. They inspire me to mirror these qualities and to be that type of friend I prayed for as an 11yr old child. Some of these friendships have been for a season and others I feel will carry with me into the eternities. The thing that all these types of friendships have in common, they have changed me for good.

I watched the musical Wicked for the first time last year. 

I laughed.

I cried.

I clapped.

I cried.

I oohed and aahed.

....and cried some more lol

I walked out of the theatre and couldn't help but reflect on the lines from the song For Good:

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But, because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

Instantly my mind created a mosaic of faces as my heart recalled moments and lessons that have indelibly and permanently changed me. 

To all those who have blessed my life with friendship,

Faafetai mo lou alofa - thank you for your love.

Happy Days
Sila