Show me
Who I am and who I could be
Initiate the heart within me
'til it opens properly
Slow down
Start again from the beginning
I can't keep my head from spinning out of control
Is this what being vulnerable feels like?
And I will try, try, try to breathe
'til it turns to muscle memory
I'm only steady on my knees
One day I'll stand on my own two feet
It's 11:00pm and when the clock strikes 12:00 I'll be 29yrs old.Initiate the heart within me
'til it opens properly
Slow down
Start again from the beginning
I can't keep my head from spinning out of control
Is this what being vulnerable feels like?
And I will try, try, try to breathe
'til it turns to muscle memory
I'm only steady on my knees
One day I'll stand on my own two feet
- "Son" by Sleeping at Last
Twenty.
Freaking.
Nine.
Years.
Old.
What the hell have I done with my life!?
The past few weeks I've found myself reflecting on what my life is filled with. There's a lot of goodness, humor, spiritual well being, love for self, love for others, family, friends.
But I also have a tonne of varying emotions tethered to feeling unfulfilled. Probably because I perpetually live my life in fear.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of being vulnerable.
Fear of food *insert smirk here* if only that was a damn fear lol
I've come up with a bucket list in an attempt to untangle myself from all the chickenheartedness and weave more color and texture into my existence :
Cheers to my first blog entry ever.
Happy Days
Sila
I've come up with a bucket list in an attempt to untangle myself from all the chickenheartedness and weave more color and texture into my existence :
"30 Things to do before and while I'm 30"
- Get a license – Unwiden your eyes. I know, I know... this should have been ticked off more than a decade ago
- Write in my blog at least once a month - good luck with this one you lazy biblical donkey
- Read the Book of Mormon x3
- Throw someone a surprise party
- Lose at least 20kgs to be at healthy weight
- Learn how to swim
- Pay for a strangers meal/shopping
- Go paintball
- Participate in a protest for a cause I believe in
- Train and Be able to run 5km - minus an ambulance and oxygen tank #ForrrrrrealTho
- Raise money for a charity
- Take a burlesque dance class
- Memorize a full rap song from start to finish
- Sew a dress
- Get a henna tattoo - my mormonzoid mind knows that's the closest I'll get to a tattoo
- Have a photoshoot with my sisterfriends (The Triangle) and the familia
- Memorize Joseph Smith History verses 8-20
- Jump in a pool fully clothed – shoes and all
- Spontaneously kiss someone - Do it in a way that I won't get charged for sexual assault/harassment because having a criminal record is definitely not on this list lol
- Face a fear – take your pick cos you have a lot to choose from (e.g jump off a pier, hot air balloon)
- Be an extra in a movie/tv show (Main role preferably. But let’s be real. Highly unlikely:P)
- Go semi-nude skinny dipping - Due to public concern full monty will most definitely NEVER be an option
- Have a food/mud fight
- Learn how to play an instrument – or at least a full song on an instrument (not the spoons, cos you have that down pat)
- Learn how to Samba or Tahitian tamure like a pro
- Dance in the rain
- Serve food to the needy on Christmas Day
- Eat a humongous-decadent cake without using my hands – Matilda style
- Visit a country I have never been to
- Fall in love
Cheers to my first blog entry ever.
Happy Days
Sila
